I cant

Fired last Friday. Emotional outburst with my teacher partner. It’s PTSD I can’t handle politics & manipulation. This inability always makes me the bad guy. Acting and appearing like the bad guy. First thing I did was apply for unemployment, join 2 counseling groups since I now have time to learn emo management skills. Med changes to help suicidal thoughts. But I can’t do that to my husband.

More tommorrow. Still getting past shock. I feel like this little squirrel. Balled up and sleeping protected

Increasing Mindfulness as a Craft Ninja: bookmark for mindfulness

The main purpose of this blog is to focus on increasing mindfulness. To change mindset to “increasing mindfulness” vs. “decreasing anxiety”, as part of identity. Since switching, I have noticed increased positivity. An unforeseen side effect of calling myself names= recording OVER those old tapes from others that I inhaled as part of my identity. I pursue mindfulness. I donate my crafted bookmarks to the library. I have a stable mindset. I create.

Creating a post isn’t mindful haha, but it is satisfying. If /when anyone tries these, let me know if effective. thanks!


Adult coloring page, Elmer’s glue, Paper, coloring tools, scissors, contact paper.

Ideally cardstock is best, but I have been using bond paper. Also, if using cardstock, then covering with contact paper may not be necessary . You can get as crazy as you want with paper types.

Use colored pencils, crayons, markers, whatever for your coloring page.

Google “free adult coloring page” and one can be printed off so buying a book isn’t necessary.

For mindfulness purposes-don’t fall into my OCD trap. IE I still am tempted to go and buy the largest pack of Sharpies in ALL the colors. Or sticky glitter paper.

For mindfulness purposes: To increase mindfulness, the craft is done with the repetition of step. So, one day I do step one, step one, step one, step one, step one. Cutting only. The next day I do, step two, step two, step two, step two, step two. Coloring only. So on with each Step.

One side of bookmark made for mindfulness

PREPARATION: Decide how many book marks you want to make in total. Gather supplies. Put on what you want to listen to, if anything. Find a clean, quiet space. Even a TV Tray will do.


Cut plain paper into bookmark template.

( Mine vary in size b/c I was given scraps. Mine are approx 5×2″, or 2×3″. Honestly I don’t think people care what size it is. Cut the size YOU like)


Cut adult coloring page into pieces that are 2 inches bigger then template. When cutting-THIS is a fun part- keep mindful of how the design looks AS A SEPARATE PIECE.

STEP THREE: color page pieces. Since 2 templates are needed for each bookmark, you can choose to color “pairs” that are complementary, identical, themed or totally different. THIS is a fun part.

STEP FOUR: Choose pairs and glue together.

Glueing colored flower piece onto template

STEP FIVE: Cover with contact paper if desired. I have experience with contact paper and find this to be a royal pain so if at all possible, don’t USE IT. (I have made about 20 of these bookmarks and because I’m donating I want them to be a bit nice looking.)

remember, IF this is done steps 1,2,3,4,5 without the repetition its not mindful. its just crafting.

Excitement =anxiety=excitement

We are going camping with friends. I haven’t been for many years. I haven’t even taken an overnight trip for over 3 years.

This is because the preparation caused my anxiety to go off the scale. This morning my body feels like it has no skin. I am excited mentally. My mind is like a race horse pulling at the bit, trying to take off.

My challenge will be not to snap at my husband, or the angel boys we take care if til 4.

I have my med appt, my fingerprints for new job & taking boys to library for bingo and lunch. All low stress activities.

I’m going to practice my practices:

Writing here

Listening to daily audio bible


Awareness of self

Asking for mercy to soothe my nerves

This area if Oregon is remote & plumb in the middle of relatively untouched forests,rivers,narshes etc. We are camping at a non tourist lake area.

For example we walked by a deer on my street the other day.

I’m excited to:

Walk with my doggies

Get in water

See new perching birds





Camping is the only time I relax 100%. I used to do it all the time. It’s vital after long winter.

I’m excited to go and, overcome a slight challenge. Baby steps.

What do you like to do that can be a challenge?

Good news & delays

Good news: offered a position which is higher then the one I applied for!

Delay: waiting for official letter. Head START closed this week. Still have my 2 daycare kids whom I adore! 4 &5 yo boys.

Challenge: bc of waiting my mind going in circles.

Action? I need to figure out how to craft miniature doors for symbolic representation of closing door on 4 family members. I keep texting every few months & need to give up.

I know my detachment disorder contributes to anxiety. It just occurred to me I have attached trying to “fix” this..like a plug in the wrong outlet, thru my life.

I have a great marriage & healthy life but I need to work thru this so I don’t get stuck mentally. Bc THIS issue gets triggered ALOT!

I hope this sharing helps someone else!

What are your triggers?

Also do you have one of these? She’s the reason I didn’t get a craft posted yesterday! Ha! Sparrow is a rescue.

Freak out Friday

I went for a job interview yesterday at Head START. The preschool for disadvantaged kids. My anxiety is off the charts bc of the NOT knowing.

I already run my home preschool but in SEPT will only have 1 kid. We aren’t in $ crisis but tight. I’m always PROACTIVE, which is a benefit of anxiety.

If today’s over with no call, I didn’t get the job. So of course, the day is going by SLOOOOOWWWWLLLLLY/.

Attempting to inhale this quote from Gratitude App this morning:

“Overthinking will destroy your happiness and your mood. It’ll make everything worse than it actually is. Take a deep breath, exhale and have faith. What’s meant to be will be.”

Ummm easier said….

#anxiety #OCD #anxietyattack #anxietyproblems